We regret to inform you that your application to the stated establishment cannot be processed at this time due to the fact that it does not exist.
After consultation with our mythical advisors we have also determined that even if it did exist, the course “wandology” would be highly in demand and hence require at least two As and a B in any of the following subjects:
Defence Against The Dark Arts
History of the Occult
Your hand written grade sheet claiming top marks in ‘waving a stick about,’ ‘wearing a pointy hat’ and ‘watching Paul Daniels TV specials’ sadly is not suitable for submission, however by applying through clearing you may be suitable of Liberal Arts courses.
Alternatively you may wish to resubmit next year by tying your letter to an owl and hoping for the best.
Unfortunately it turns out that this was a fake later and didn’t come from UCAS. Sorry to burst everyone’s bubble…suppose a lie didn’t stand in the way of a good story.